Letting Go of Perfectionism: How God Is Meeting Me in the Messy Middle

It began during a season of uncertainty.

Our community was shifting. Our children were growing and needed new rhythms at home. The way we spent time outside of our home was changing too. I found myself fighting the shift—struggling to know what commitment could even look like in this season.

I would make a decision, only to have something change again. Life felt messy and unsettled. Each time, I questioned whether we had made the right choice.

During this season, the Father was gently purging sin from my life and drawing me back to Himself—showing me that I had neglected Him as my first love. Yet perfectionism still had a strong hold on me. I was constantly wrestling with guilt and shame.

Did we make the right choice joining that co-op?
Should we attend the new church an hour away?
How do we stay connected to friends who are no longer nearby?

I was searching for certainty in a season that required trust.

When God Exposed My Perfectionism

In the midst of this year-and-a-half struggle, I was dusting my bookshelf and came across a book I had picked up while helping my grandma downsize. I planned to skim a few chapters and decide whether to keep it or donate it.

Instead, Yahweh used it to reveal something deeper.

Through those pages—and through the loving honesty of a few trusted friends—I began to see that perfectionism had been holding me in bondage. Friends gently pointed out that I was struggling to make commitments and, at times, unintentionally hurting others by withdrawing.

All because I was trying to make the perfect decision…
or waiting for the perfect situation.

Recognizing Perfectionism in Home Life

As I began to unpack this, I realized I was allowing perfectionism to shape my life as a wife, mother, and homemaker.

If someone didn’t do their chores, I was upset.

If we left five minutes late, I was upset.
If I had to remind my husband more than once, I was upset.

I was holding onto unforgiveness, bitterness, jealousy because I was holding others to high standards as well.

I was damaging relationships in my home—because I wanted things to run perfectly.

The root issue surprised me:
I didn’t truly believe I was accepted by Yahweh so I kept striving.

If you often feel behind, stressed, or frustrated with the people in your home, perfectionism may be quietly at work in your heart as well.

Practical Ways to Begin Letting Go

Journal the “shoulds.” Write down where you feel pressure, guilt, or unrealistic expectations.
Release one area intentionally.
Can you speak kindly even after repeating yourself?
Can you relax your schedule enough to read by the fire together?
Anchor your identity in Scripture.
Some of my favorites:
- Psalm 139:14–16
- Ephesians 2:10

Reframing Our Work Through God’s Eyes

God measures faithfulness differently than we do.

He calls us to walk in the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23).

I value a clean home and orderly routines. But if those come at the expense of peace, patience, or love, they are no longer acts of obedience.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord…”
—Colossians 3:23

Recently, I had planned an afternoon with friends, but my son developed a fever and I had to cancel. Instead of frustration, my prayer became one of gratitude—that Yahweh would help me practice the fruit of His Spirit and trust that His plans were better for that day.

Faith shifts our focus from performance to obedience.

Practical Ways to Redefine Success

Pause and pray over your day - Ask Yahweh to guide both your tasks and your heart.
Redefine success - Did you keep a calm spirit? Did you show love? That counts.
Choose joy over checklists - Notice laughter, hugs, connection, and shalom—not just productivity.

Implementing Gentle Home Rhythms

Rhythms still matter—but they don’t need rigid timelines.

One morning, my son needed extra snuggle time. Instead of pushing through a plan, I brought my Bible and prayer journal back to bed and prayed while holding him. The chores may or may not all get done that day, but my heart remained calm as I moved through my responsibilities more slowly.

One thing I am standing guard against is my phone. It would be easy to scroll during quiet moments and allow distraction to take over. Presence is obedience. Distraction is not.

Rhythms reduce decision fatigue. Because I had a general plan for the day, I wasn’t overwhelmed when things shifted. Even when I arrived in my office later than expected—or paused to chat with my husband—I could continue forward without frustration.

Gentle Rhythm Ideas

Morning rhythm: A slow start, quiet time, life-giving habits
Afternoon quiet time: Family rest, tea time, or a walk outside
Evening reset: Tidy only what supports peace—not perfection
Weekly reset day: Focus on one project and stop when it’s “good enough”

Letting Go of Comparison

Are there social media accounts that leave you feeling discouraged or inadequate?

I’ve found it helpful to follow only a few accounts—or none at all—that truly inspire and encourage. Checking in daily can quickly become consuming, especially when influencers are posting constantly to stay visible.

Remember: you’re seeing highlights, not the full story.

Practical Boundaries with Comparison

Limit social media use. Unfollow accounts that stir guilt or pressure.
Celebrate your home as it is. Name one thing you love about it each day.
Reflect together. At dinner, invite each family member to share one win or blessing from the day.

Embracing Grace—for Yourself and Others

Perfectionism is often rooted in a desire to control outcomes.

Yet Yahweh’s grace meets us in the ordinary, unfinished places of daily life. When we surrender our expectations and trust Him with the outcome, peace follows.

Freedom is found in faithfulness—not perfection.

This week, choose one area to release.

Which area of perfectionism feels heaviest for you right now?

If you feel led, share in the comments and encourage another mama walking this same road.

For more gentle rhythms to support your home, you may enjoy:
More blog articles on rhythms

A Simple Focus for This Week

One slow morning
One intentional family connection moment
One journal entry naming what you’re letting go of this season

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Thanks for dropping by today! I hope you found encouragement for building a peaceful home. If you know another mom who might benefit from what you've learned here today, be sure to share this post with her!

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Letting Go of Perfectionism in Motherhood: Finding Freedom Through Faith and Rhythms